Nightmares in Disguise

Love drowning under hot streams,
it feels like I'm melting,
As if it couldn't evaporate the pain.
Purge my heart back to the purest red.
Unmarred, unscarred..
Untouched by careless hands.

Love lying under covers at night,
hidden, wrapped in blankets,
Sheathed in the company of my own warmth.
A strange place I've welcomed some..
They all leave.
Only pain remains, and I. 
Out of sight.

Love listening in,
a call, a knock upon the door..
A surprise to mend my soul,
it's never there.
To spare a moment of true happiness,
I would give the world, to give,
whereas you merely dream.

Sudden Flush 11.03.13

This tea has long gone cold.
And so have my hands,
I've been standing outside of late,
painting in my mind,
or so I'm told.

Be that as it may,
I've lost my colours,
They're scrambled on the floor.
How can I reach with hands, cold?
Victim again to sudden flush..

Don't be fooled by what I say,
I'm not a fortress of steel.
Those are just the wheels that carry me,
I've kept secret what lies within,
not many deserve to know.

27.03.13

Under this waterfall we may drown.
Words as drops,
thoughts as words fall.
And if we're alive at all,
we should feel each drop,
as a punch to knock us out.
Heavy lies the burden of knowledge,
crushing shoulders, bareing down,
only to be exceeded by doubt.
Strangling innocent souls,
the stinging burn 'round necks, 
previously unmarred and clean.
The flight of the frail heart,
free of it's cage, the ribcage.
It tears itself free in pain,
leaving us numb, emotionless and bare.
People walking, gaping holes to see,
with sight unbroken, we notice nothing.
Bandaged up from head to toe,
will it serve to keep the blood in?
Frozen, bitter, famished souls,
look what we to ourselves have done..
If only giving fragments at a time,
we could one day hope to get it back..
Our esteem, dignity and hope.

Masochism, Encore

Luke Pickett, he sings to my heart.

Disclaimer:
This is not about one specific person, but more about a specific conversation that included fragments of another. My reference to love should not be misunderstood for everlasting marrie-and-kids-ending love, but rather mutual interest, magnetism and affection, that is not limited to time and space, but rather the freedom and privilege to give someone cause for a smile. Security, loyalty and affection. I feel like those are mine to give, and I give them to my friends because unlike my significant others, they provide me with both loyalty and security. The affection is void of ulterior motives.

I lay my head down tonight.
Hopeful that tomorrows are new,
hopeful that I find protection from the dark.
It seems safest on my own,
False truths only come from outside.
I shiver as my warmth leaves..

Cut me in half inbetween,
Have your fill with my lower half,
so that I may escape with the upper.
Of what concern is it to you?
I'm sure I may someday stop to feel,
when the feeling I want is never real.

I greet you as an open book,
a new page, a new look.
There's a chance to overwrite wrongs,
reduce my list of gut wrenching songs.
It hurts me so my heart's turning to dust,
Because I see more than bodies in lust.

If this is what the world has in store,
then why have we got hearts at all,
when there's no love anymore.
May I have my chance to hope,
without knowing the disappointment that'll come?
It lurks behind each welcoming smile..

Fancy the fortune teller,
we could all do a decent job.
All these surprises, I feel sick.
And they aren't surprising in essence,
but I fear the murder of my remaining innocence.
And it was I who trusted you with the knife.